A Vase of Lilies
by hammierox
Summary: A one-shot where Lily and Emma meet again. Based on the request of marynesq and qrred on tumblr. sad, angsty. (DISCLAIMER: I haven't really spent time editing it yet so it kinda sucks :3)


**A Vase of Lilies**

_or_

_**another fallen star**_

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><p>the five stages of a budding love<p>

and the power of first love

_by hammierox_

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

I have to tell you, this is one of the saddest things I have ever written. (NO REGRETS!)

I hope you don't stop reading. (please? *insert puppy emma*

This is based on marynesq's request (I want a fic where Emma and Lily meet again! Angsty!)

So yeah. Here you go.

A Lily and Emma drabble, tragedy, angst.

(eh, tinnyy bit of sq in the end, less than two sentences. You can skip it.)

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><p>Emma turned her head away from the baby, knowing she couldn't keep it, couldn't give it the life it deserved. She was no mother, and she couldn't do this, raise a kid for so many years. She was too young, and this kid- the innocent bundle in her arms oblivious to the world and its horrors- it deserved <em>so <em>much more than she could give.

She didn't dare to look at it- because seeing things meant getting attached, and she couldn't afford to get attached, not while she was still on a temporary leave- of _prison_.

The blonde could hear the doctor's questioning her, asking over and over again if _she was sure_- but all she could manage to choke out was a strangled 'No', determined to not keep the baby. She just couldn't.

They left her alone after a moment of silence.

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><p>Later on, they let her leave. She was about to walk out of the cold white building, desperate to clear her mind, get a gulp of fresh air, when a team blocked the hallway, hushed whispers resounding through the mostly empty hall.<p>

Curiosity took over and Emma took a peek at the team, and, to her horror, saw a stretcher- covered in a thin white sheet that did no good covering the various cuts and scrapes of the patient beneath it. The blonde couldn't see the face of the person, but the sight still horrified her. She was about to turn away when a small thing caught the corner of her eye.

The patients arm had escaped the snowy white confines of the stretcher, and it dangled ou slightly. But that wasn't what caused Emma to stop dead on her tracks.

The blonde stood there, gaping and shell-shocked in the hallway, as she recognized the small tattoo of a star on the patient's wrist.

Emma quickly glanced at her own hands, where the flower tattoo rested on her wrist.

And then the memories came flooding in.

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><p>365 days. An entire year. It had been an <em>entire <em>year later when Emma was released, learned to get herself a decent occupation, going around and _surviving_.

But it was the headline of a local newspaper that started her life back up again.

'18-year old brunette stuck in coma for full year'.

_Of course. _Because as soon as she saw the pictures, Emma's heart went before her head and she ran off to the same hospital where she had seen Lily last.

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><p>It still looked the same. The halls, the rooms, the sheets. A pure white, a deafening silence, an empty feeling of loneliness. The familiarity crept up on Emma until she could barely handle it. But she would take these blows, live these painful memories- to right the regrets that had followed her for so long.<p>

She was going to see Lily again.

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><p><em><strong>regret<strong>_

Emma honestly didn't know what she had been expecting. She's read it in the newspaper, after all. A coma patient.

But somehow the blonde still expected for Lily to open those eyes up when Emma held her hand, for some miracle like in the fairytales to happen. But life didn't consist of happy endings, and Emma knew that better than most.

She'd overheard the doctor talking. A car crash, she'd heard. A car crash with a drunk driver off the side of a highway, an entire year ago. The driver had been killed on impact, leaving Lily behind with nothing but a fate worse than death.

Emma half-wished the driver to be alive, to put him through what Lily was going to. But hadn't she caused pain too?

The blonde sat down next to that white hospital bed, staring at the odd machines and drowning in her thoughts.

She started talking, knowing no one was there to hear her. "You know, Lily," the blonde started, looking intently at closed eyes, as if they would blink open any minute. "I'm _really _sorry. I kinda overreacted." She paused for a moment, half expecting a reply. "I know why you lied. I know that you were still lost, like me. I don't know why I cared so much. You were worth more than that."

When again she was met with silence, Emma stood up, suddenly feeling ridiculous. "Well, uh, bye," she muttered as she rose off the hospital bed. She paused for a moment at the doorway to wait for a reply, and, although knowing that expecting one was out of the question, couldn't help but feel the disappointment creep in when all that was heard was silence.

Quickly, Emma left the room.

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><p><em><strong>Friendship<strong>_

Emma walked back in the same hospital room a month later. She held a white vase with pale pink lilies and a small get-well card.

She set the flowers and the card down on the small table next to where Lily laid, still unconscious. The blonde sniffed in, the faint smell of flowers starting to mask the odd scent of medicine and grief.

"Just like you," Emma muttered, smiling as she set the lilies down. "I thought you might need some color in this room." She added, stealing a quick glance at the unresponsive brunette.

"Listen," the blonde started, not letting the silence get to her again. "I shouldn't have left so quickly. I guess I was just mad at you for not waking up, which is ridiculous. It's not your fault." Emma tucked a strand of stray brown hair away before catching herself in the act.

Her voice suddenly lowered, taking on a sadder tone, and suddenly Emma was the lonely little girl from over ten years ago again."I miss you, you know."

Emma held Lily's limp hand in her own. "You don't really have any family, do you? I've heard there's not too many visitors to this room." Emma glanced down at her boots. "I get it. If I fell into a coma I wouldn't have any visitors either."

The blonde tilted her head back, staring at the grey tiles of the ceiling. Yet another shade of black and white. "It's a lonely life, huh? I always-" Emma's voice caught in her throat. "I always thought things would change, one day, you know? That someone would be able to love me. I guess it was a foolish dream, anyways. This world is probably 99% sadness and 1% of all the lucky ones who find their happy endings."

Emma tilted her head to look back at the unmoving brunette, a small, sad smile on her face. "I guess we're part of the majority, you and I. It really felt like you and me against the world, you know. But I guess fate just really doesn't want us to be happy." She clasped her hands together, ignoring the silence that hung heavy in the air.

"I have a son, you know," she started. "Not really my son, but I gave birth to him."

"Sometimes I like to think about him when I'm sad," Emma continued, still holding Lily's hand tightly in hers. "I like to imagine that he found a home in a place with real happy endings." The blonde's eyes lit up as she imagined the scene. "It would only be on parent, so that he wouldn't hold the risk of being replaced," Emma thought out loud. "And it would be a mother, not a father. I haven't really had a good experience with men."

"She would look kind of like you, I guess," the blonde said, fiddling with the silver necklace around her neck. "Brown hair, really intense brown eyes," Emma added, before laughing. "God, that makes it seem like I'm in love with you, huh? Wanting my son's mom to be like you." The glimmer sparkled in green eyes as they imagined a world in which her son would get a happy ending.

"Strong personality," Emma remarked. "Can't have a boring one. I always did think you would be a good mother, Lily."

The brunette's eyes stayed shut, so Emma continued, closing her eyes to imagine the scene.. "Maybe, one day, he would come back to find me. And I would get to meet his mother, and…"

The blonde's eyes flew open in delight. "Oh! And you would be awake by then, and he would love to meet you, and you could meet his mother and you two would be so alike. And we could give her a star too, huh?"

Emma smiled at the memory. "I got a tattoo just like you, Lily. I didn't get a star, because I thought that that would just bring us back to when I left. I got a lily, to remind me of you." The blonde stared at the symbol etched onto the brunette's wrist. "I guess you were strong enough to hold onto the memories, though. I really screwed up, didn't I?"

Emma checked the clock at the top of the doorway in the room. "It looks like I've got to go, Lils, but I'll catch up with you soon, 'kay?"

The blonde ran out of the room fast so that the reality that there would be no answer wouldn't come crashing in.

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><p><em><strong>Fear<strong>_

She had kissed her. Emma breathed heavily, her heart beating fast. She had kissed her.

Well, not really kissed, or at least not on the lips. She had kissed her on the forehead, too quickly to catch what she was doing, just before she had left last week.

Emma checked the clock. 12:25. The time that the blonde usually saved for the brunette had just started.

"Damnit," Emma muttered under her breath as she willed the traffic to go away.

When Emma strolled in the hospital, it was 12:30. She was five minutes late. Emma didn't know why she felt so crazy about it. It was only five minutes, after all, but it felt like the world.

Emma held her weekly vase of flowers in one hand, out of breath from running down the hospital halls. "Hey Lils," Emma greeted the brunette, placing the flowers on the nightstand.

The brunette remained silent. Emma continued on, having gotten used to the feeling. "Sorry I'm late, especially for your birthday. But I bought you some special flowers." The blonde gestured to where the vase sat, a white porcelain thing with flowers overflowing from it.

Emma sat down on the white hospital bed with a sigh. "I'm _so_ sorry, Lils, that I kissed you. And you aren't even conscious. Isn't that, like, a crime? I am really sorry, I have no idea what came over me." The blonde stared down at her hands, a habit she had grown used to since her visits started. "It's our six month anniversary, you know?"

The blonde let out a low chuckle. "It's funny, 'cause I never remember anniversaries. For some reason it was easy to remember ours."

Emma played with the locket around her neck that still had a photo of a smiling Neal in it. She'd never had the courage to throw it out. "I never did tell you about him, did I Lils? I've never actually talked about him with anyone. But you always were different." The blonde stopped her hand from continuing to mess with the necklace. "His name was Neal. We, uh, met because I stole a stolen car."

Another soft laugh filled the air. "It sounds crazy, huh? It's amazing what loneliness can do to you. God, Lils, I made so many bad choices. I guess I deserved jail. But I think he deserved it more."

"He framed me, I think. I have no idea. One second he was whispering his love, and then, next thing you know, I took the blame for the watches he stole. It kinda sucks, being pregnant in prison. Worst choice I ever made. I was too young, too inexperienced to keep the baby. You understand though, right?" The blonde didn't even bother to look over at the unconscious brunette, instead choosing to imagine Lily's voice in her head.

Emma felt the tears start to form. She tried to hold them in, but they overpowered her like a waterfall, pounding against resistance. "I'm scared, Lils. I'm scared that you won't ever wake up, that my baby is out there somewhere, alone like we used to be, heck, like we still are. I'm really scared. I can't lose you, not again. You're the only person that matters."

At the silence that followed, Emma stood up, walking away. "See you next week, Lils." And the blonde walked out, a single tear blazing a trail of sorrow down her cheek.

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><p><em><strong>IIII. Love<strong>_

Emma walked in the hospital room door, a mixture of horror and excitement mixed in the emotion on her face. As she placed her weekly flowers on the little white table, she sat down in her usual place on the bed before confessing.

"Lils," she spoke slowly, enunciating every word. "I think I'm in love with you."

Emma chuckled nervously. "Honestly, I think this is the craziest thing I've ever done. We haven't spoken, not really, in over five years. But I feel like you're the closest thing ever I've had to love. And strangely, I'm okay with it."

The blonde continued. "See, that's the thing that makes me so sure. I've always been afraid of love, practically anti-love, because everyone who I've ever cared about had left me. Until you. Ironically enough, I left you. But you were the only one who's ever stuck with me until the end. So, I guess it makes sense. In an odd, twisted way, I'm almost 97% sure that I'm in love with you. The other 3% is craving lasagna."

The blonde looked almost giddy at having released the secret that had been building up inside her since she had kissed the brunette's forehead. "This is crazy, yet it seems like the most normal thing ever. I'm in love with you, Lils, isn't that crazy? It feels so light, so happy. I'm happy, Lils. You make me happy."

The blonde kneeled next to the bed. "But hey, if we're going to do this, we're going to do this properly. We can play Sleeping Beauty, okay? I'll kiss you, and if I don't feel different, I won't do anything like it again and I'll apologize once every week. But I think I will feel love. If love is anything, its this. I believe."

Slowly, gently, Emma lowered her lips to Lily's unresponsive ones. As soon as their lips touched, Emma felt something _different_. The blonde suddenly felt a hand on her arm.

Startled, Emma jumped up, expecting to see the same thing she always did, but this time, the blonde was looking into Lily's eyes. Lily's _open _eyes.

The brunette had woken up.

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><p>"Doctor!" Emma screamed frantically, running through the halls until she saw a familiar doctor's face. Her voice was quick, jumpy, frightened. "The coma patient in room #137. Lily M.? I think…" the blonde gulped, willing her nerves to calm down. "I think she's woken up."<p>

The team immediately assembled, a sea of unfamiliar light blue coats, filling the room so much that all Emma could see was the machine recording Lily's pulse through the window. The blonde's heart was beating out of her chest, praying the fates that _just this once_- she might be able to have some luck.

Please, Emma thought. Please let her live and be healthy.

The blonde watched for hours as the swarm of nurses and doctors moved around the room, her green eyes concentrated only on the steady beep of Lily's pulse.

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><p><strong>3:35 pm, two hours later<strong>

Emma felt eerily apprehensive, a cold sweat building in her lower neck. She didn't know a lot about medicine, but she had a feeling it wasn't supposed to take this long.

But Lily's heartbeat stayed strong and steady, continuing its steady beat.

Emma looked away for just a few minutes, just to see if any visitors had come to see Lily, now that she had woken up. None. It seemed her brunette friend had truly been alone.

A strangled scream turned Emma's blood to ice, and without thinking, her feet lead her towards the hospital room, just in time to see the machine's heartbeat slow to a straight line.

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><p><em><strong>Grief<strong>_

She hadn't attended the funeral. It might have been a selfish decision on her part, but she couldn't stand to be there, looking at people wail their grief when they hadn't bothered to show up when Lily was still stuck in the coma.

Emma felt numb. She hadn't allowed herself to cry, because that meant that it was true. That Lily really was gone.

She'd had barely a second to bask in her newfound love before the cruel hands of fate took it away.

So Emma visited a week later, on a Saturday, their usual date, at 12:25. It was Christmas day, but Emma had no reason to celebrate. Not as important as Lily.

A thin layer of snow blanketed the dirt in front of the marble headstone, but soon the perfect blanket of white was etched with the footprints of a certain blonde.

She still held a porcelain white vase, filled to the brim with pale pink lilies. Just like the first time.

Emma knelt in front of the headstone, which was marked 'Lily Abrams, Beloved Daughter.' And that was it. All that Lily had left in the world.

A single marble stone in a field of others, with only four words. That was all that was left of the legacy of a beautiful brown-haired girl with the star tattoo. But Lily would always mean more than that.

Emma spoke slowly. "Hi Lily."

And with two words, the tears came rushing out, and when the blonde kept talking, her voice was cracked and broken, just like the heart inside. "I'm so sorry, Lily. You didn't deserve this. We were supposed to have a happy ending."

"I'll never be able to fix this, never be able to tell you how sorry I am."

Half-heartedly the blonde held out the vase and laid it out, leaning it against the headstone. "Pale pink. Just like one of the first times, Lily. God, I can't talk much right now. But I want you to know this, Lily- no matter what happens, no matter what life makes of me- you will always be my first love. Always. I broke that promise once, but never again. I love you, Lily."

With that, the blonde left and never came back, leaving behind only a small vase of lilies and the remains of a broken heart.

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><p>Emma could feel the memories threaten to surface, but she stood her ground, staring into brown eyes that reminded her so much of her…<p>

"Listen, Regina. I had a friend a long time ago, and she lied to me, and I never forgave her. By the time I regretted it, it was already too late."

_Too late_, the words echoed in her head, mocking her.

"Wait, Emma…"

But when she heard the two simple words leave Regina's mouth, she felt her shattered heart starting up again for the first time in so long.


End file.
